His kiss is her death wish
by Dwayna Black
Summary: In the hardest days of her life, Bellatrix realizes that she cannot live her life anymore. So she is determinate to tell The Dark Lord about her feelings before she closes her eyes.
1. Chapter 1 - Bellatrix

**Author note: This is my first Fan Fiction. The story is very dark, it's rated M for a reason - suicide attempt, slash, blood, torture and more. So, please if you don't like those things - don't read it :) I apologize in advance if I offend anyone: I didn't mean it. I hope that the characters are not out of character :D**

** I don't own the characters - they belong to J.K. Rowling. And no money are made of this, this is for entertainment purposes only.  
Enjoy!  
**

**P.S. My English is not very good :P**

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**Chapter 1 - Bellatrix**

She watched as her blood slowly formed little puddles on the dark marble floor. Through the moonlight, coming out from the large French window to her right she could see her blood shining like it was made of silver.

She smiled to herself as she ran her long skeleton like fingers over her wrist and a quiet gasp escaped her lips – more of surprise than pain. She didn't expect it to be so easy and yet so beautiful. She smiled again, feeling the last tear smoothly slide down her already wet cheek.

"This is the last tear I'll shed for you", she whispered, not noticing that there was someone else watching her in the darken room behind her.

She did not notice as his quiet footsteps slowly approached her slim figure, crouched on the cold marble floor.

"Bella", a cold emotionless voice spoke from somewhere behind her. She knew it was him and yet she didn't turn to meet his gaze. "What have you done to yourself?" The man continued, still facing her back.

"Nothing", was her simple answer, "I didn't do anything. You did." And with these words Bellatrix rose from the floor, deaf for the sound her silver knife made as it fell from her lap on the hard floor. She just left the room with unsteady steps, leaving him with her bloody shiny traces she left behind.

But for him, The Dark Lord, the sound of the knife was like a song – a beautiful and cruel song, telling all about unshared feelings, agony, madness and undying love. And when the knife finally fell on the floor, The Dark Lord felt like something happened to his heart, which wasn't supposed to exist at all.

He didn't understand what had just happened or how he got here at first place. But something really happened to his heart; he left it heavier in his chest. In fact, he felt it for the first time in many years.

Even though he didn't want to admit it, he knew that it was his fault for condemning her to darkness. He never knew, however, that from their first meeting until this present day, he was slowly, ruthlessly killing her day after day.

The Dark Lord followed the bloody traces on the floor, which were leading through another hall, then a long dark corridor and when he finally found his follower, she was standing stiffly on a large terrace, her thoughts lost in the winter night.

"Bella?" he called her name surprised by his soft tone. Bellatrix didn't turn around to face him but this time she spoke.

"Why have you come here tonight, My Lord?" Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper but he sensed the pain in her words, the sorrow in her voice.

"What have you done?" he demanded. As he waited for her response, The Dark Lord approached his most devoted follower and stood next to her with his hands on the massive marble rail.

"I'm so tired", she said, "All of this. It is madness, isn't it?" Bellatrix looked down at her sliced wrists as seeing the deep cuts for the first time.

"Let me heal you." He whispered, slowly reaching his hand to take hers.

"These wounds are nothing, compared with my heart. It's the biggest wound. The deepest…and it will never heal." She said and for the first time this evening Bellatrix looked him in the eye.

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked almost afraid of the answer. Why he had fallen so low? He didn't understand her feelings for him because he never felt like she does and yet something happened when he saw his most loyal follower on the floor with her bleeding hands, close to her heart. He didn't understand but he knew that it was because of him.

"Because you need to know. You need to know everything before you loose me forever. "Her face was pale and numb. When he met her gaze, her eyes were empty with no trace of emotion. It was like he was looking into the eyes of a dead man. "Before you kill me, My Lord," she slowly continued, "You need to hear what I have to say."

"Why do you think that I'll kill you, Bellatrix?" His voice showed no emotion but for the first time he was afraid for her. Afraid of losing her.

"I can only hope that you kill me. It will be faster and after my story, if you still don't feel anything, if it doesn't change anything, than you can let me live." She said with a sad smile. Lord Voldemort was confused. Bellatrix reached out her bleeding hand and traced his strong jaw with shaking long fingers, leaving a bloody line on his side.

"Always so cold…" was her whisper, before she fell backwards, almost in slow motion. The Dark Lord knelt beside her.

"Let me heal your wounds!" He shouted but she shook her head.

"No. If you heal me, I'll do it again. Until you see there's no point. I'm beyond saving, My Lord."

"You are a fool, Bella!" his cold voice stabbed her right in the heart. "Your weakness is killing you!" To his surprise Bellatrix smiled again, which made him even more angrier. What was with her behavior? Didn't she want him to care about her? And when he finally shows some emotions, she laughs at him!

"That's it! Enervate!" He shouted. Immediately the deep cuts on her wrists disappeared. She looked at her Lord, for the first time frustrated with him. "You are crossing the line, Bellatrix!" The Dark Lord sneered in her face.

He rose from the floor and at the same time pulled up his servant with him. She staggered a little from the speed he pulled her up with and he caught her by the shoulders so she doesn't fall again.

"Know your place!" He shook her roughly. "Go to your quarters and rest. When you're better call me, and I'll hear what you have to say. Then I shall decide your faith." And with these words The Dark Lord left her on the balcony, standing alone with the world spinning around her.

Bellatrix leaned on the cold rail to support herself and a lonely tear escaped her eye, in a hurry to find freedom. Freedom. As she thought about it she realized that she was never free. From the beginning of her life she had to live her life following the family rules, then marrying a man she despised and feared, then joining The Dark Lord and following his orders and after that was prison…14 long and terrible years and when she was rescued it was only to serve again.

She signed. Was this the way she lived her life? And everything, everything she gave for Him, everything she did for Him. Every kill, every torture, every minute spent in prison was for Him and Him only. Bella knew that he wasn't able to love her as she did, so there was no reason for her to continue the torture of life.

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A/N: I hope you liked it. Please, leave a review to tell me what you think and if it's ok to continue writing :)


	2. Chapter 2 - Rodolphus

**Author note: Chapter two is up! Just finished it :) Hope you like it. Notice: this chapter is even darker! So, once again - if you don't like this stuff - please, don't read it.  
**

**And thanks to AthdaraM for her review - it means a lot to me! Hugs!  
**

** I don't own the characters - they belong to J.K. Rowling. And no money are made of this, this is for entertainment purposes only.  
Enjoy!  
**

**P.S. My English is not very good :P**

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**Chapter 2 – Rodolphus**

After a few minutes or may be hours, Bellatrix finally decided to go back to her room and try to sleep. She felt relief that her husband wasn't in the room and was surprised to find the letter she wrote to her sister still peacefully laying on her pillow. Bella didn't find the strength to say goodbye to Narcissa in person, so she wrote it in a long letter, in which she explained her reasons and she also apologized for not telling her in person and also she wrote how much her youngest sister meant to her and how much she truly loved her. She placed the letter on her night stand and decided that for now this will stay a secret.

Bellatrix went into the bathroom and took a long shower, thinking over her life and the way it was about to end. It was acceptable to die for love. From the beginning, from the moment she met The Dark Lord, she knew that she will, one day, die for him. And now, sooner or later she could keep her promise.

He always told her love is a weakness. And he was right. Love was a weakness and not Bella's but his. He never felt love, so that's why he will never be as strong as her. Because everything Bellatrix went through was because of the love for her master.

He would never understand.

He would never feel it.

He would never want to.

And then, all of a sudden, she collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down her face. She wanted to scream, scream at his face, and tell him that he doesn't deserve any of this. But Bella knew that she will never find the words, never have the courage.

She didn't remember how she woke in her bed or how she got there. Last thing Bellatrix remembered was that she was curled up in to a ball on the dark wooden floor, crying. May be Rodolphus finally had shown a tender side of him and did something for her that didn't include a beating or something else.

Bellatrix stayed in the chambers for hours, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She was terrified of what she saw. There, in front of the mirror stood a woman. She was deadly pale and looking like a savage, a beast. Her wild black curls fell down to her back and there were locks in front of her face. In her eyes, she saw anger, hatred and a hint of sadness. Bellatrix gave a small laugh to the woman in the mirror, thinking that her reflection is a reversed image of her and how she was feeling. She felt like a porcelain doll, small but full of hatred towards herself, despair, loneliness. She felt like she was going to break any moment and she wished for it. An end, any end.

Determined to find her sister, Bella was walking through the long corridors of Malfoy manor. But instead of finding Narcissa, she met someone else.

His cold eyes narrowing her, as if he was studying her expression.

Bellatrix stood speechless in front of her husband, not knowing if it was safe speaking to him or just walk away.

There was no need for her to do any of this because he spoke first.

"Why's the hurry?" He asked almost mockingly. She looked at him fearless but in her chest, her heart was going to explode.

"I…I'm hoping to find my sister." Her voice was quiet, like a sound of the wind. Rodolphus studied her face before answering. "I think that you had something to tell **me **first, dear, what do you say?" He narrowed his eyes while watching his wife's reaction. Bellatrix' eyes widened a little but she tried to hide every emotion.

"Come. I would like a word with you. You can speak to your sister after we're done." Rodolphus said and without waiting for response he grabbed Bella's wrist and almost dragged her back to their quarters.

When they entered the room, Bella wasn't sure what to do. She didn't know what to expect from her husband. His often changing moods scared her and angered her at the same time. She wanted to run away. From him, from this place. Somewhere safe in the arms of her sister, telling her that everything will be fine, that she is safe now and no one will hurt her again. Or in the beautiful worlds she created for herself when she was in Azkaban. There she was in her perfect self – still innocent, smiling and playing with her sisters. No, one sister. Their laughter could be heard through the whole manor, like a song promising of a bright future, never ending romance and a peaceful life where wizards would rule the world.

It was all before her sister left them. Left her, curled in the darkest corner of her chambers, crying and not knowing what is going to happen in the future. It was all before she heard of a name, promising power, promising the world she was dreaming about – a world with Muggles in their feet, a world without traitors who abandon their families, who tear their souls and let the remaining innocence slip away like a bird, lost in the cloudy sky. It was all before she was forced to marry her husband. A husband who destroyed her will, who made her crumble, who made her create her own world with bright colors in the first place.

And then He came into her life, offering her his hand with a promise of a better life, freedom and power. She took his arm without hesitation and he showed her a new point of view – a darker one. One in which she was in control. She worshiped him for that, loved him like she never loved another. He was her savior and her destroyer. She knew, they both knew that he will be her downfall but she didn't care as long as she was by his side. Drowning in his eyes and suffocating in his power.

And now before her stood the man she despised most. Staring at her, Rodolphus moved closer to his wife. With mad eyes, never leaving hers, he brought her hand to his lips. He kissed it gently and made another step towards her. Bellatrix tried not to move from her spot because she knew what would happen if she did. She wasn't ready for another merciless fight.

"Where were you last night?" Rodolphus whispered in her ear and moved down to kiss her pale neck. Bella shivered but didn't move again. She knew that she had to answer.

"I was here, in the manor. But when I came back in to our room you weren't here. So…if you could tell me where you were?" She murmured back and barely moved away. At first it seamed that he didn't notice but Bellatrix felt his grip on her wrist tightening. Rodolphus took a deep breath before answering.

"Let's just say that I had other… entertainments for last night. But I missed you. In my arms, in our bed…" He trailed off and kissed her neck again. "It's been a long time since you've been with me, love."

Bellatrix arched her head away to look him in the eyes. "Willingly – it's been decades, **love**." She said and tried to walk away, but Rodolphus dragged her back by her wrist and almost smashed her against the wall.

"Rape, dear, doesn't count!" He spat in her face and she felt the back of his hand caressing her cheek. Her eyes widened in fear as she knew what was going to happen next. She briefly saw his hand turn in to a fist and before she could react, Bellatrix was on the floor, pressing her hand to her lips. When she removed her hand, she was terrified to see blood on her fingertips.

"You disgust me!" She snarled, looking at him with such hatred she only showed to her victims. Bella reached for her wand but Rodolphus was quicker and kicked it out of her hand. He bended towards her, his right foot on her left hand. She suppressed a scream of pain and tried to hit him, but he caught her other hand and pinned her to the floor. She screamed in frustration, desperately trying to break free, but was forced to stop, when she felt Rodolphus' knee on her chest.

"I disgust you? Look at you – lying helpless on the floor, pinned down by your 'pathetic excuse for a husband' how you call me. You are the pathetic one, Bella, not me. I made you. Remember this, darling! Without me, He would never notice you, never except you in his ranks, never call you his favorite.

Don't you dare tell me that I disgust you! You disgust me, lusting after a man who will never see you as something more but a servant. He manipulates you. He doesn't care if your soul gets scarred or your so precious heart gets broken. And every time He rejects you, you come back running and I have to fix you, make you stronger one more time, so you can be better in his eyes!" He hissed, inches of her face. Rodolphus stood up from his wife, but didn't forget to press her left arm harder before turning his back on her, leaving her on the floor with bloody lips and tears in her eyes.

"Every time you fix me, Rod, you break me first." Bella whispered. "Every time you fix me, I wish to die. I long for it." She slowly rose from the wooden floor, feeling the terrible pain in her left arm.

Rodolphus turned to face her and for the first time, Bellatrix saw something in his eyes, which she had never seen before. Was it remorse? But as soon as it came it was gone. A mad laugh escaped his lips.

"Bella, "he finally said and within a second he crossed the space between them, "the day we got married I swore to love you, cherish you and protect you until Death do us part…and I'm doing it. As long as you're mine, Death isn't coming." Rodolphus said with something like a sweet twisted smile and cupped his wife's face in his hands. He pressed his lips to her but Bellatrix pulled away with a quiet whimper. He took a fistful of her hair and kissed her again - roughly, mercilessly. She cried out as he bit on her lip hard, causing more blood to leak down her chin.

Next thing Bellatrix knew was that her head was smashed against the bed frame and her hands were held to her sides by her husband.

"I made you! I created you, you ungrateful bitch!" Rodolphus sneered in her face, tightening his grip on her wrists. "Hating me, love, is the reason you love Him so deeply. By seen me as a monster, you turned Him in to your savior. But he is not! He is not your savior – he is Death that isn't coming to save you! He is your slowly downfall."

Bellatrix screamed when her husband bit her neck. So hard that she felt blood leaking down, staining her hair, her soul.

"Oh, come on, love! I thought pain was bringing you pleasure. Do I bring you pleasure?" Rodolphus purred in her ear and then slapped her across the face with all the strength he could muster.

"The day you will bring me pleasure, Rodolphus Lestrange, is the day I see you suffer by my hand!" Bellatrix hissed at his face and smiled-her smile a grotesque picture of slurred lipstick and blood. His fist met her jaw once more. And then she laughed at his face. He hit her again. He continued until she wasn't smiling anymore, wasn't moving at all. She just lay there, motionless. Her tears streaming down her face, her eyes lost in the space.

And then everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3 - Narcissa

**His kiss is her death wish**

**Chapter 3 – Narcissa**

The Dark Lord stood in the darken room with two motionless bodies inside and one, crying in the corner. He was staring at the bed.

"Did you know what was going on?" He asked, eyes narrowed in the slim figure it the corner.

"Yes, My Lord." She answered, her eyes never leaving the bed.

"And why didn't you tell anyone about it, Narcissa?" He asked, feeling the anger building up inside him. He felt his heart's pathetic try to beat once again and almost flinched from the feeling.

"Lucius knows…but I told him not to tell anyone." Narcissa whispered. She gave The Dark Lord a brief look and then her eyes turned to the bed again. "He wasn't always like this." She added and made a step towards the bed.

Her sister wasn't moving. Rodolphus wasn't moving as well, but she didn't care. She just wished that Bella was alive.

"And why didn't you tell anyone else?" The Dark Lord asked with narrowed eyes. Narcissa stood still as a statue. She knew how this was going to end.

"I don't know, My Lord." Narcissa answered. "It is not my secret to tell."

"Even if it means to help your only sister?" The Dark Lord asked sounding amused, but Narcissa knew better to recognize the anger in his voice. "Hm…" he added, "I thought that the Blacks were noble. It seems I was mistaken. "He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "You are so different from your sister, Narcissa. She would never hide such a thing. Bellatrix would do everything in her power to help you. You, on the other hand, are a coward – just like your husband."

Narcissa didn't dare to say a word or move, so she stood there silent and watched as The Dark Lord stormed out of the room.

_Narcissa Black sat in a large living room, the dim light softly embracing her. A book was placed in her lap, but she wasn't reading it. Her thoughts were somewhere else. She could hear the yelling from her father's study. She was sick and tired from the constant fights over her sister Andromeda. Narcissa knew what was going to happen if her bigger sister doesn't stop seeing this Mudblood. She tried to talk to Andy about her so called relationship with this boy, but Andromeda didn't want to hear a word._

"_You don't have power over me, father!" Cissy heard her sister yell. _

"_I am your father, Andromeda, and while you're a part of this family you will do as I say!" Her father yelled back and Narcissa heard a bang. May be her father hit the desk with a fist. Again._

"_Well, may be I won't be a part of it for long then!" Andromeda screamed and Narcissa heard her storm out of the room. _

_She gave a long sigh and opened the book that was stiffly lying in her lap. She didn't want to think about this. She knew her sister very well. She knew what was going to happen._

_Narcissa opened her eyes and jumped in the armchair from a loud bang on the door. She hadn't noticed that she had fallen asleep. She heard Bella's voice from the hallway and before she could understand what she was saying, she heard her sister's leather boots coming trough the hall and seconds later Bella entered the living room with another loud bang. She scanned the room and when she spotted her youngest sister, she almost ran to her with wide eyes and a big smile on her face. _

"_You will never believe what happened tonight!" Bella said and sat in the other armchair across her baby sister._

"_Let me guess. You got really drunk and you had sex with the Lestrange boy again." Cissy answered and gave her sister a smirk. _

"_No, silly, that's going to happen tomorrow night. And you are invited, Rod's manor. Malfoy will be there as well." Bella said. "It's something a lot more bigger than that. I joined Him!"_

"_You did what?" Narcissa couldn't believe what she just heard._

"_I joined The Dark Lord!" Bella almost sang and lifted her left sleeve to show a brand new tattoo of a skull and a snake._

"_O, Merlin!" Narcissa whispered. "It's real. You actually did it!"_

"_Yes, I did it! I'm so happy, Cissy! I'm going to be his most loyal servant, his best! Rod did it, too. It was amazing. I've never felt something like this before. For the first time I'm sure I did the right thing." Bella said and ordered the house elf to bring two glasses of black wine. _

"_Cheers!" Cissy said with a smile. "To The Dark Lord and the new order!"_

Narcissa Malfoy sat on a chair next to a four poster bed. The dim light, coming from the fireplace was softly embracing her. She whipped out a lonely tear from her face and gently took her sister's hand in hers.

"You will be all right, Bella. He won't hurt you again. I promise." She whispered to her sister as another flashback came in her mind.

"_Calm down, Draco, it's time for bed." Narcissa cooed over her eight month baby boy and made another pathetic try to tug him in. Draco become fuzzy and Cissy didn't know what to do. She started to sing her son a quiet song and just when he was starting to fall asleep, Lucius came in to the room. Draco immediately opened his big gray eyes and started to cry._

"_Dear, you woke him! Do you know how hard it was to put him to sleep?" Cissy whined. _

"_Bella is here. Better go downstairs. It's not pretty. Don't worry about Draco, I will put him to sleep." Lucius said and kissed his wife on the forehead._

"_Lucius, what's going on?" She asked with a worried look on her face. _

"_Just go downstairs and speak with your sister, Narcissa, she will tell you everything I suppose." He said and almost literally pushed his wife out of the room._

_Narcissa quickly made her way through the dark corridor and ran down the marble stairs to find her big sister standing in the doorway, covered in blood._

_She almost screamed at the sight of Bellatrix and ran to her. _

"_Dear Merlin, Bella! How many people have you killed? Look at you!" Cissy said and looked away with disgust. She loved her sister more than anything, but she couldn't accept all of the murders and tortures._

"_Come inside, don't just stand there!" She ordered and Bella followed her silently. They entered the dark living room and with a flick of her wand, Narcissa lit up a fire, while Bellatrix stood stiffly in the middle of the large room, her eyes lost in the fire._

"_Dobby!" Cissy said and a tiny house elf appeared out of nowhere._

"_Yes, mistress." It said and bowed down, it's long nose touching the floor. "Is there something Dobby can do for madam Malfoy?"_

"_Clean this mess up immediately and bring a bottle of fire whiskey." Narcissa ordered and pointed her long finger at the bloody tracks on the floor._

_The house elf didn't say another word and started to clean._

"_So? Aren't you going to tell me what happened? Not that I want to hear about another Death Eater rave." Narcissa sat in the armchair near the fireplace and beckoned her sister to do the same, but Bellatrix didn't move from her place._

"_He tortured me." Bella whispered, her eyes still focused on the fire._

"_What do you mean he tortured you? You didn't fail on your last mission, did you?" Cissy asked confused. After a long pause Bellatrix finally answered and for the first time this evening her attention was on her sister._

"_No, not the Dark Lord. Rod tortured me." She said and moved closer to the fireplace. _

_Narcissa didn't know what to say. She couldn't believe it. Rodolphus wasn't that kind of person. He would kill and slaughter other people, but he would never touch his wife. He adored her. Much more than she ever did._

"_What happened? Why would he do such a thing?" Cissy asked, afraid of the answer._

"_Nothing much. I caught him with another woman. This time I couldn't take it and I killed her. I just…"_

"_Wait, wait! What do you mean by another woman? And what the Hell do you mean by _this time_?" Narcissa cut her off. This was too much information for her to handle._

"_At first there were rumors among the Death Eaters. They were saying that Rod shared with them that he was cheating on me constantly. He was drunk, of course, otherwise he would never say something like this. Then when I came home from a private meeting with The Dark Lord, I saw a woman coming out of our bedroom. When she saw me she ran away. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything. Then Rod came out of the room and when he saw me standing there, he started to apologize and said that this won't happen again." Bella said just when Dobby came with the drinks. She took a large sip from her glass and finally relaxed in the armchair. _

"_Someday I will kill your house elf." She added._

"_Why would do such a thing? It's not too bad." Cissy said shocked. _

"_I don't know. I don't trust it. But I won't kill it with Avada Kedavra. It's not painfull. People don't feel a thing when they die from this curse. They fall on the ground like dolls, with their eyes wide open. You can't see the pain in their eyes. And I want it to suffer. I want it to feel everything. Someday, when it betrays you – and believe me, it will – I will kill it." _

"_Leave the stupid elf. There are more important things than Dobby. Tell me, did Rodolphus did it again today?" Cissy said._

"_No. It happens almost everyday, Cissy. Today was just the final drop in the glass. I couldn't take it anymore. I've had enough. I had to kill her. It's been years."_

_Painfull silence fell over the two sisters. Narcissa didn't know what to say. It hurt her to see her sister in so much pain. She couldn't believe it. She never thought that Rod was capable of such a thing._

"_Why didn't you tell me anything?" She asked quietly._

"_Why should I?"_

"_What do you mean by that? I am your sister, for Merlin's sake!" Narcissa shirked. "I could've helped you!"_

"_And what would you do, Cissy?" Bella said. Her voice was calm, but Narcissa could sense the pain behind the calmness. "Do you want to end up like me?"_

"_Does the Dark Lord know?" She asked._

"_No. You are the only one who knows. I don't want people to think I'm weak. I am not! Today I just lost control over the situation, that's all." Bellatrix said and her eyes got lost in the dying flames._

"_Sweetheart, what are you going to do about this? You can't leave it like this! He might do it again!" Cissy spoke. Bella gave her a brief look and saw that her baby sister was silently crying._

"_Please, don't cry." She said and took her in her arms. "Don't cry, dear. I will be all right. If it happens again, I'm going to kill him. You know me. You know that I won't allow something like this to happen again. I promise you."_

"_No!" Cissy choked. "I promise you. He will never hurt you again, Bella! "_

"_You don't have to promise me anything. I know it won't. Don't worry about me. I will be fine."_


	4. Chapter 4 - Someone dies tonight

**I am really sorry for the late update, but this chapter was so difficult to write and I know that the next will be too. I would like to say thank you to all of the readers and also that I appreciate your reviews :)  
**

**I don't own these characters, they belong to J.K. Rowling, who decided to kill all of my favorite characters, except for the Malfoys.**

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**His kiss is her death wish**

**Chapter 4 – Someone dies tonight**

Narcissa stood there, beside the bed, shaking, as hot tears were streaming down her face burning her eyes, suffocating her, drowning her. She was completely lost in her helplessness and she didn't notice that the body on the floor was moving.

Rodolphus Lestrange stood up slowly, still unaware of where he was. He looked around and it seemed that the events of earlier were coming back in his mind.

He wiped the blood off his chin with the back of his hand, as he spotted the slim figure of his sister-in-law.

"How is she?" Rodolphus asked, looking concerned.

"You dare ask how she is after all you've done to her?!" Narcissa's voice was colder than ice, more venomous than the most dangerous poison ever made.

She turned to face him and Rodolphus almost flinched from her expression.

"It was an accident." He whispered and looked away.

"An accident?! An accident, that lasted your entire marriage?! I don't think so." She said and made another step towards the bed, determined to protect her sister.

"Cissy, what are you talking about?" The Death Eater asked. His voice sounded so innocent and worried, that Narcissa almost believed him. But no, she knew better.

"Do you think I don't know?" She hissed. "Do you think that she didn't tell me everything?!"

And then Rodolphus' face crooked. For the first time Narcissa saw the murderer, the monster, the liar he was. The real Death Eater behind the mask. She saw the burning flames in his eyes, the sharp like a million daggers look on his face, and she felt the danger that was bursting out of him. It made the air thick and suffocating. Before her stood a man, whom she was seeing for the first time in her life.

Narcissa slowly stepped back, her eyes never leaving his. Rodolphus gave her a sick, twisted smile as he approached his colleague.

"You don't know anything." He said. His voice was clear, cold venom spreading in the room. "You have no idea of what I did. In the end, Narcissa, your sister was begging me to kill her."

Cissy was stunned. She couldn't believe it. She wanted to cry, to rip the man in front of her to pieces, but she just stood there, watching him, waiting for him to attack. And she knew, from everything that Bella told her, she knew that he will.

With every step he made towards her, her agony turned to rage. The rage froze and boiled down to the cold, clear idea of horrid vengeance, driven by pure hate.

Narcissa Malfoy slowly took out her wand and the next thing she new was that she was on the floor. She felt a kick in the ribs, which made her cry out in pain. Cissy reached out for her wand but found only part of it. She quickly removed her hand from what was left of her wand, just in time to escape Rodolphus' curse. It hit the piece of wood and blew it to hundreds wooden needles, sharper than knives, which flew everywhere, piercing Narcissa's hands and the parts of her face she couldn't protect. She rolled over, escaping another curse, which burned a hole in the wooden floor.

Curses flew everywhere. Narcissa couldn't understand how a man, who just got up from the floor, beaten almost to death, and may be cursed to an inch of madness, could fight with such fury, even though he was barely standing on his feet, bleeding.

She decided to leave the room, hoping that Rodolfhus would come after her, but just before she reached the door, the handle got on fire. Cissy stepped away, just when a jet of red light flew millimeters away from her head and hid behind a ravaged, smoking armchair. She could hear the man's footsteps and she waited, waited for him to come and finish her off, but she was surprised to find that Rodolphus passed her pathetic hiding place. He wouldn't leave the room, knowing that he had unfinished business, so there was only one place he could go. Narcissa carefully crawled out from behind the armchair. The Death Eater was standing near the bed, towering over Bellatrix, with his wand pointed at her chest.

"Don't you even dare!" She said as she proudly stood up, with determination in her eyes. Her voice was so cold and if Rodolphus had a soul at all, she was sure it could freeze. Narcissa started walking towards him, not caring at all that she could die at any moment. She didn't care that she was without a wand, bruised and bleeding. Rodolphus slowly turned to face her, his face - a mask of death.

"What game are you playing, Cissy?" He asked, sounding amused. "Decided to be the tough one, didn't you?"

"I've always been tough, unlike you. I don't need a woman to beat to death to feel tough, I don't need to hear her scream and taste her blood to know I'm strong." Narcissa said through clenched teeth. Her voice was full of such unbearable hatred, which could burn a hole in his heart. "And what are you? You are nothing but a pitiful excuse of a human, a man who can't stand for himself before others, so he beats the shit out of his wife, only to show her how powerful he is, how strong and cruel he can be! You are playing a game, Rodplhus! A game, in which you look so damn perfect and yet you're nothing! With your mask on, you think no one can see your true colors; no one can smell your rotting heart; no one can see the real coward under the black robes, hiding behind a Mark, which vouches power!" She spat right in his face, fully aware of the cost that she would pay. If she was going to die, she would do it like a Malfoy – with her chin high, proud and arrogant.

Within seconds Rodolphus crossed the space between them and caught her by the throat. He bashed her against the nearest wall and with narrowed eyes he spoke.

"You. Don't. Know. Me." He said as if biting every word.

"Oh, but I've heard you" She choked out. "I heard you today, squealing like a pig, crying like a child, begging for mercy. And I enjoyed every second of it."

His grip on her throat loosened just for a second and before Narcissa could react, he slapped her across the face with so much strength, which sent her on the floor. To his surprise she smiled, as blood freely poured down her lower lip and her jaw was throbbing. She tried to rise from the floor, but he kicked her in the ribs once again. Narcissa didn't scream this time; she gave out a high pitched laugh. She could feel every bone in her body agonizing in pain, but her heart was screaming like mad, yelling at her to keep on, to be strong for her sister, for herself.

And then he pointed his wand at her. Her eyes froze. She knew what was going to happen; she couldn't escape, even if she wanted to. With an evil grin on his face, Rodolphus spoke.

"Crucio!" He said and the witch beneath him screamed. She screamed so loud, that she was sure that everyone in the manor could hear her. She felt every fiber of her body aching, every single bone was breaking, her tears felt like sharp pieces of glass, which cut her eyes open, stained her soul in blood, she could see the madness coming closer, calling her in her sweet embrace. Narcissa writhed on the floor, unable to control her body.

Bellatrix woke up from someone's screaming. The screams were so terrible that she wanted to run, hide. But she couldn't move. It was like she was paralyzed. She felt like her body was made of stone. She opened her eyes and gasped from the view – blood everywhere, screams of agony. Then she tried to move – a desperate act, like she was a fly in a spider's web.

"No! No!" She cried, but it seemed like no one was listening. "Please, I would do anything, just stop!" Her cries turned to whimpers and then she felt silent. Only her tears and the rapid falling and rising of her chest showed that she was still breathing. Only the pain reminded her she was still alive.

Before her stood a man. He lowered his wand and turned to her. He could see that she was awake, even though she didn't show any sign of it. Narcissa had stopped screaming long before he lifted the curse. She laid there, on the floor, like a doll. Her tears were streaming down her face, her eyes were numb, and lost somewhere he didn't care to know.

He moved closer to the bed, closer to his wife, who yelped and tried to protect her face with her hands. Rodolphus caught her right hand in his and pulled her closer in some kind of protective embrace.

"Don't move, Bella, it's not safe." He whispered in her ear and gently kissed her forehead.

She froze in his arms, afraid to move, afraid even to breathe. The Death Eater placed his hand above her left breast, so he could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest. Bellatrix stiffened in his arms, not daring to move, but a small whimper escaped her lips, when her husband moved his hand to her throat, slowly caressing it.

"What happened to us, love?" He asked, his hand wandering up and down her neck.

"You happened to me." She muttered. "You destroyed me."

"No. By making you fear me I made you stronger. I created you, like a sculpture, which needed to be improved. But I had to break you first, so I could make you perfect. I had to show you the way of the Death Eaters, so you could understand it, feel it. And I had to make you the victim, so I could turn you in to the hunter, the monster that you are now – strong, powerful, mine…" He said with a seductive voice as he moved his hand to her heart again.

"Insane. That's what you made me. Even before Azkaban I felt I was going insane, Rod. And it was you, you who did it. You destroyed everything – my dreams, my future. And I will never forgive you for what you did to me!" Bellatrix shoved his hand away and tried to get out of bed, even though she felt her whole body aching, but he grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head in the bed frame.

"And **I** won't apologize for it, because I regret nothing!" He snarled in her face. "Too bad, that one of us won't live to see another Sunrise."

"Too bad that it won't be me." She hissed, as she reached out for her dagger, safely hidden in her leather boot. But before she could even strike, he caught her arm and twisted it behind he back. He took the knife from her hand and tossed it somewhere on the floor. With his other hand he caught her by the throat again and growled in her ear.

"Save me trouble, love, and go kill yourself!"

"Believe me, I tried!" She choked out.

His grip on her throat tightened and with her face against the bed frame Bella was trapped. She tried to struggle, tried to scratch his face with her free hand, but soon she realized that it was pointless. Slowly her vision became blurred and the world started spinning. She could see blackness taking over everything around her and she realized that didn't need to breathe anymore. She felt her body relaxing and she gave in to the peaceful calmness, which covered her like a soft blanket. She was alright now. Everything would be over soon, she would fall into a blissful sleep, when she felt the presence of a figure, enveloped in darkness, but she felt that light was bursting out of her – that kind of light, which brought only death.

"What took you so long?" Bellatrix heard her own voice mumble her last words, before darkness finally took in.

XXX

As she was lying on the floor, with her head throbbing and her mind shattered to pieces, Narcissa heard something heavy fall on the floor beside her. She slowly moved her gaze to the shining object next to her. She was staring at a knife. She recognized it immediately. It was her sister's knife; The Dark Lord had given it to her for some occasion she didn't quite remember. As if on a slow motion, Narcissa reached to the knife and took it in her hand. She could feel the cold silver weapon heating in her hand, urging her to become one with it, recognizing her unstained blood - so pure; so strong. She felt it binding with her soul, with the Mark on her left forearm. And when the witch felt her arm being one with the knife, she quietly rose from the floor, the world was ruthlessly spinning around her, but she ignored everything, when she recognized the figure of her sister, trapped in her husband's hands. He was killing her. She could hear her sister's desperate gasps for air and in less than a few seconds she saw Bellatrix relaxing in Rodolphus' arms.

He gave her one last kiss on the lips and tossed her body on the bed and Narcissa was terrified to see that Bellatrix wasn't giving any sign to be breathing.

Still not letting go of the knife, feeling it getting warmer in her hand with each second that passed, Narcissa stood next to the soaked with blood bed and waited. She was surprised that she didn't feel any pain at all. The emotions that took over her mind were far from pain or fear, or even despair. She could feel rage boiling inside her – uncontainable, wild and merciless. She welcomed the loathing, which took over her heart and froze it and then covered it with steel. She let the consuming power of the silver blade, which was now a part of her being, to lead her mind.

She carefully sneaked behind her brother-in-law and gently placed her cold bleeding hand in front of his eyes. He gave out a quiet yelp from surprise, but Cissy didn't give him time to turn around and stabbed the knife right in his throat. She didn't waste any of her emotions, which were taking over her entire being and continued slicing his throat down to his collarbone, where she made a horizontal cut and stuck the knife even deeper.

Rodolphus groaned with frustration and pain and reached behind him and grabbed the woman by the hair. Then with his final strength he twisted his body and pinned her beneath him on the bed, which was now a complete bloody mess. His eyes widened in fear. For the first time in years, he felt that there is no escape from this. Beneath him was lying the bringer of his death. With a possessed look on her face, Narcissa stabbed him right in the chest, feeling his heart scattering to pieces and gave out a scream. A mad scream, containing power, victory and justice. He screamed, too, but his scream was out of fear, agony and pain. He glanced one last time to his wife and reached to take her hand in his, but a tall, cloaked figure appeared before his eyes and offered his it's hand, which he hesitantly took, knowing that the figure before him was Death, and it was going to take him to the only woman in his miserable life, that he truly loved, even if it was by his sick, twisted way. With the corner of his closing eye, still fixed on his wife, he saw that Bellatrix slowly opened her eyes. And the last thing that Rodolphus Lestrange knew, before he closed his eyes forever, was that his wife was not coming with him.

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Thanks for reading, I hope to write the next chapter as soon as possible. Please, leave a review.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Dark Lord

**First of all, I would like to apologize for the late upload. This chapter was really hard for me to write but I hope I did a good job. If someone doesn't like it - I'm sorry.  
**

These characters do not belong to me. They belong to J. .

**Enjoy :)**

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**His kiss is her death wish**

**Chapter 5 – The Dark Lord**

Bellatrix was staring at her wedding ring. She could hardly see the emerald gem from all of the blood stains on the ring. It was her blood, her last gift for her husband. Bella smiled as she took one final look at the ring, before placing it on the tombstone. She didn't utter a word when Rabastan took out his wand and set the old tomb on fire. He was shaking; he couldn't control his tears, which ran freely down his face. The witch looked at the grieving Death Eater to her left and wished she could comfort him somehow, but she saw no point – he was just like his older brother.

Only a few came to say their goodbyes to Rodolphus Lestrange. They stood in the shadows of the old cemetery, like ghosts – with their masks on, the only sound coming from them was the whistling of their black robes. Bellatrix only came to the funeral of her husband to make sure that he will stay dead. Until the very end she couldn't believe that Rodolphus wasn't breathing anymore. After a few more minutes, Bella turned her back to the flames and walked away.

"It's your fault!" She heard Rabastan's choked shriek. "He loved you! You're a monster, Bella, did you hear me?! Monster!"

The woman paid no attention to the grieving man and continued her slow pace. She gave out a sigh as she felt tears forming in her eyes. Why? Why was she crying? She surly wasn't sorry or guilty for Rodolphus' death, then why she thought Rabastan was right? Was she really such a monster? To rob someone from his only family, and then turn her back on him? Was she really that cruel?

'Yes, Bella, you are,' she heard a voice in her head, 'You are a Death Eater and that's what you do. You kill, you torture, and you show no mercy. You _are_ a monster.'

"Shut up!" Bella growled under her nose and apparated back to Malfoy Manor.

XXX

She hesitated a bit in front of the big oak door. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be here. She needed some time alone, but she knew that there wasn't anywhere else she could go. Bellatrix touched the handle and the door opened immediately, leading her in to a richly decorated entrance-hall. She slowly stepped in, not paying any attention as the door closed by itself and made her way to the living room, passing by Lucius Malfoy, who was holding a strangely colored drink in his hand.

The Death Eaters said nothing to each other as usual, as they continued their destinations, and Bella was surprised to hear Malfoy's cold voice.

"How did it go?" He asked, sounding most uninterested.

"You weren't there to see." She answered, not turning around to meet his gray eyes.

"We weren't close." The blond man trailed off as he didn't even make the effort to stop his steady pace.

She entered the large living room, closing the door behind her and went strait to the cabinet, taking out a bottle of Fire whisky and a glass. The witch settled in one of the big black leather chairs next to a coffee table and poured herself a drink. She took a large sip and felt the liquid burn her still sore throat and gave out a chuckle. She was free! Her quiet chuckles turned to uncontrollable laughter. Bella just sat there, alone, with a drink in her hand and laughed like a maniac, like the mad woman she was.

"Bottoms up, Bella!" She sang to herself and drained her glass. The woman continued laughing, and she didn't feel as tears were streaming down her face.

She poured herself another drink and glanced at the small fire, burning quietly in the fireplace. She still couldn't believe what had happened just a few days ago. All of her life she dreamed of this, she hoped that someday someone would kill Rodoplhus in a duel, and he would never return home. And now, when she was finally free of him, she felt something heavy in her chest, something that didn't give her peace.

Bellatrix stood up, took the glass of Fire Whisky with her and made her way through the dark corridors of the manor. She climbed the marble stairs and opened the door of her chambers. The room was dark and quiet. Only the howling wind outside could be heard. She looked around the room and her gaze fell on an old picture. The glass was broken long time ago, and the picture was starting to loose it's colors, but through the years no one made the effort of repairing it. She took the photo in her hand and looked at the smiling faces of her and her husband. It was a picture of her wedding day. Bella stared at her face. Even though she was smiling, she could see that her eyes were frozen, empty, without a hint of light in them. She remembered the day clearly, like it was only yesterday. She remembered her mother giving her her vows, telling her to memorize them, her father placing his hand on her shoulder, telling her how proud he is of his first born daughter. She remembered Narcissa's tight embrace and the whispered words "Be strong!" in her ear.

"There is no need to think over this event, Bellatrix." She jumped at the cool voice of The Dark Lord behind her and turned around to see that he was standing at the doorframe, looking at her.

"My Lord," She muttered, but he raised his hand to silence his servant.

"Come. I would like to have a word." He said and left the room with Bella following behind him.

They walked in silence while The Dark Lord was leading her through corridors and halls, which Bella didn't even know they existed. They climbed up an old spiral staircase and found themselves in front of a rusty metal door. With a flick of his wand, The Dark Lord opened the door and pushed it forward to reveal an old round room. They were in one of the four towers of Malfoy Manor. Everything was covered in dust, there were broken furniture everywhere, spider webs were hanging from the ceiling, and the candles in the chandelier had burned out long time ago.

The Dark Lord pointed his wand at the old fireplace and wild flames started sadly to play, embracing a master and a servant with its soft light. Bella was standing stiffly in the center of the room, surrounded by all kinds of long forgotten objects, while The Dark Lord was calmly walking through the room, making the scattered furniture move away to form a small path, leading to a broken rusty sofa. When he reached his destination, the object repaired itself and allowed him to sit.

"Well?" He asked, his gaze focused on the woman in front of him. "Aren't you going to sit down, or you'll just stand there all night?"

She moved forward the small alley, tripped over a disused tea-pot, which made her face flush with embarrassment, cursed under her breath and carefully continued walking.

"For a warrior of your rank you are way too clumsy, Bellatrix." The Dark Lord said, sounding obviously amused.

"Forgive me, My Lord." Bella mumbled and hesitated before sitting next to him on the sofa. They sat in silence for a while. Bellatrix didn't have the courage to speak first, or even look at him.

"As far as I remember you wanted to tell me something?" He asked.

"No, My Lord, it is not of any importance." She uttered. She couldn't believe that it had come to this. He was looking at her. Like his red icy eyes drove into her mind and saw her bleeding heart. And yet there she was, sitting next to the man she adored. The man who broke her soul, her mind, her heart. But she still loved him.

"Last time I saw you, Bellatrix, you were convinced that you want to end your life?" The Dark Lord said like they discussed an ordinary day in life.

"Yes, My Lord, I was." Bella answered awkwardly. She didn't dare to look him in the eye, so she decided to stare at the floor.

"Do you still want to kill yourself, Bellatrix?" He continued with the questions.

"I…" She couldn't move. She couldn't do it. How could she tell him?

Bellatrix looked at him then quickly looked away. She was shaking. As The Dark Lord continued to watch her, she took a deep breath and swallowed her fear. The Dark Lord smirked at his servant, looking slightly amused.

"Well," He said "Aren't you going to speak or I'll have to make you?" His tone was calm but Bella distinguished the danger underneath the calmness. But even then, it was hard for her to even try and speak. She opened her mouth and then closed it. The Dark Lord actually gave a small chuckle.

"What is it, Bellatrix, did you lost your words?" He was mocking her. She shifted in her position like she was trying to get smaller into the old sofa. "I thought that your determination to end your life had something to do with me, is it true?"

Bella found herself unable to face her Lord, to tell him about her feelings. She was afraid. Afraid of herself, afraid of the words that were about to slip out of her lips. She was sitting there like a porcelain doll with her smooth pale skin, dark heavy eyes and lips with the color of blood. Her hair was in front of her face as usual.

"No, My Lord, I…" Bella swallowed again and looked at her nails, like they were the most interesting thing on the planet. "I just don't know where to start from."

"Well, you can always start from the beginning." He said, his cold voice piercing through her skin like a million shards of glass.

"You know, I was always fond of you, Bellatrix" He said. "But over the years I started to notice that you have become weaker. Is it possible that my most loyal servant has become in some way…softer?" The Dark Lord gave a mocking smile, while watching Bellatrix shifting uncomfortably, again, not daring to look at him.

"My Lord," she murmured, "I am not weak. Everything I do is for you and I don't see myself as a weak person." She was staring at the floor.

"You dare lie to me, Bella?" he said in his soft tone, full of danger. "I know when my servants lie to me. And I know why you've became weaker. You just have to say the words. I already know them." He looked right into her eyes, which made her freeze.

"No, you don't." She said after a long pause. "For you they're just empty words. You don't know their meaning." The Dark Lord looked at his servant surprised.

"And you do?" He asked, but Bellatrix knew that it was not a question.

"I do." She whispered, finally looking him in the eye.

"Explain then. Tell me what I do not know, and you do. Tell me all about _love, _Bellatrix." The Dark Lord hissed in her face, making her sink in the sofa. She swallowed hard.

"Love…love is not something you can learn from a textbook." She said. Her voice was low and trembling. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out, feeling hot tears burning in her eyes, revealing to the man in front of her all of her sorrow, her pain, her heart. The Dark Lord watched his follower, his face frozen, like a mask. "To love means to sacrifice everything for one person, to make him the center of your world, to let him be the reason of your existence…to breathe for him, to live for him and him alone…."

"You mix love for loyalty, Bellatrix. You don't know what you're talking about." He spoke.

"I know what I am talking about!" She said in a choked voice. "I know, because I've been living this way all of my life. From the beginning; from the moment I met you!" Bella buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to stop herself. "And you…you never cared less for what I feel or what I need!..."

"Stop this nonsense, Bellatrix, or I'll…" He cut in.

"You'll do what?! Kill me?! I gave you everything!" She cried out and stood up from the sofa. The Dark Lord followed. "After all this time, this madness, the mess that's in my mind, everything I did was for you! And you're threatening to kill me…" Bellatrix gave out a manic laugh, which sounded like a mixture of a sob and a whine. "I LONG TO DIE!" She screamed at his face. She couldn't control herself anymore.

In a fracture of a second The Dark Lord grabbed his servant by the throat and pushed her against the nearest wall.

"Listen to me, woman, stop this before it's too late!" He hissed in her face, his grip tightening on her throat.

"It's already too late, My Lord." The witch choked out. The Dark Lord let go of her throat and she slid down the wall, breathing heavily.

The Dark Lord walked away from his servant and for a while everything was silent. Bellatrix looked like she was lost in her own thoughts and wasn't giving any sign of paying attention to everything that surrounded her, or The Dark Lord.

"You don't need this." He said, while watching her shaking figure on the floor.

"I do need it. But I don't deserve it. All of this pain, the agony…" She whispered and looked up to meet his red eyes, fixed up on her.

"Well, I don't need this!" He sneered and crouched down to his follower. He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face up, so she was looking him right in the eye. "Love is for the weak, Bella. I do not need love, for love shall destroy me. I can not love, you know this."

"I don't need you to love me, my Lord." The woman muttered, unable to look away from his eyes. They were inches away. She could feel his cold breath wrapping her slowly, like she was a fly in a spider web. "I need you to hear me out. It's too late for love or romance."

The Dark Lord slowly stood up and walked away, leaving Bella on the floor, still staring at the place where he was just moments ago. He couldn't watch her broken state and not feel the twitch in his chest. It was like his heart was learning how to beat again.

He walked over to the dusty window and looked out at the raging storm and for the first time he wished that he could be somewhere else, so he didn't have to watch this, didn't have to hear these bitter words that were coming from the darkest pits in her heart, somewhere he didn't have to feel at all.

Lord Voldemort gave out a quiet sigh. Now, when he was so close to achieving his goals; when he was so close to rule the world, he realized that he needed his best warrior, someone to lead his army, someone ready to die for him. He realized that he wasn't ready to lose her. He knew that she was ready to die. But will she die for him, or just because she didn't want to live anymore? Could he delay the time of her death, so she could die at the right moment?

He could hear her quiet sobs, coming from the corner of the room.

"You don't have to do this." He said and turned around to look at her. He then walked over to his servant and reached his hand towards her. Bellatrix looked up and hesitated before taking the offered hand. What could he possibly offer her now? Power? A new world? Life? Freedom? No, he couldn't give her any of that anymore, because she didn't need it.

The Dark Lord pulled her up and they stood in silence for a while, looking at each others eyes.

"I want to." She said and looked down. The witch walked away, turning her back on him.

"You said it yourself that you're free now!" Voldemort said suddenly, surprised by his own words. Surprised as well, Bella stopped walking and turned to face him.

"I am free, yes. I have the right to make my own choices, to decide for myself." She said with a blank expression but in her eyes, The Dark Lord could see how much she's hurt and how much pain all of this was causing her.

"You do. And why do you have to decide that _this _is the best choice you can make?!" He hissed coldly, anger boiling in his eyes. "You are crossing the line!"

"Line? I am crossing the line? These are my last moments, My Lord, and you think that I care if I cross some bloody line? Forget the rules; this is about us, not the world, not anyone else." She replied heatedly. The Dark Lord looked like a pale stone statue. He was staring at her deadly.

"I do believe I asked you a question, Bellatrix." His cool voice echoed in the room, even though she didn't see his lips moving.

"Because I can't go on living like this!" She shouted. "I can't take it anymore! We live in a world of lies; I'm too tired to go on!"

"Tired of what?! Tired of living?" The Dark Lord yelled back. "Because if that's your reason, we can arrange this very easy!" He took out his wand and pointed it right at her chest.

Bellatrix couldn't move. She stood in front of the only man in her life she could call her true love. The man who was about to kill her.

"Do it." The Death Eater murmured and made a step towards him. She looked at his red icy eyes and saw all the hatred, the anger and all of the power this man possessed. But she also saw something else – pain, sorrow – something she didn't expect to find in there. He wasn't moving as well, nor did he say anything. He just kept staring at her, his wand stiffly pointed at her wildly beating heart, as if he was looking at her for the last time.

"This would be too easy. Just two words, one simple curse." His voice filtered through the round room. "I want you to suffer; to suffocate in your own misery. I do not need to soak my hands with your blood."

Bella felt another flow of hot tears in her eyes. The pain that conquered her body because of her Lord's venomous words was unbearable. The pain that The Dark Lord felt in his chest, caused by his own words was enough for him to admit to himself that he was starting to feel. It was new to him and the emotions fighting inside of him frightened him to his very core. It was a savage battle between his resurrected heart and his twisted mind. He couldn't let his heart win. No, he couldn't fall so low; he couldn't admit that deep inside he was still human.

Voldemort slowly lowered his wand and turned his back on the devastated woman in front of him. He didn't want to look at her; he couldn't bare the pain in her eyes. It was like this destructive pain, desperation and agony filled the room, suffocating _him_ in her misery.

Bellatrix walked over to an old door, which was leading to a balcony. She barely touched the rusty handle and the door opened by itself with a quiet creak. She hesitantly stepped outside and the chilling wind started to dance with her wild curls. Tears were calmly falling from her eyes, becoming one with the pouring rain. She moved closer to the old metal rail and looked down. It was perfect. The witch carefully scrambled over the rail, holding to it with one hand and when her hands were the only thing that kept her from falling, she took a deep breath and looked up at the crying night sky. The raindrops were pouring over her ruthlessly but she didn't blink. She could feel so close with nature, the sky, the earth now; she could feel magic in the air, her own magic becoming one with the storm. Her own magic was pouring out of her, causing bright lightenings to light the blackness of the cold night, to light her path.

In her mind everything was quiet, peaceful. She couldn't hear the thunders; she couldn't hear a voice calling her from behind. She was completely calm now, ready. No more pain, no more agony. She couldn't feel her heart's desperate beatings in her chest. Like it was trying to escape, to be spared.

The only thing that she felt was a cold hand grabbing her by the waist, holding her tightly.

"No." She heard a deep voice in her ear. "I won't let you do this." The Dark Lord said and pulled her even closer to him.

Bellatrix slowly turned around to face him, his hand still holding her, and met his eyes. His face didn't show any emotion, but when she ventured to place her shaking hand on his cool chest, she felt the loud beating of his heart.

"I thought you wanted me to suffer." She whispered.

"You've suffered enough, Bella." The Dark Lord said and made a step back, making the rail disappear, allowing her to follow him on the balcony. He didn't let go of her waist, when he traced her face with his long fingers, barely touching her. "You won't suffer anymore. From all of the people in this bitter world we live in, you are the last person I would like to see suffer. You don't deserve it." He continued and his face was an inch away from hers.

The howling wind couldn't stop dancing around the two figures when their lips met, making Bellatrix to forget about everything. She was deaf for the raging storm, blind for the world. It was like everything didn't exist anymore. It was just the two of them, kissing under the pouring rain, lost in each others hearts.

They didn't know how much time had passed when The Dark Lord broke the kiss. He looked in to her eyes and for the first time he found hope – a promise of a better future, love, happiness, eternity. Her eyes were everything he needed and he couldn't stop gazing in their beautiful darkness. Bella smiled at him, pulling him closer to her trembling figure, desperate to feel the warmness of his cool body.

"All of my life I've been dreaming about this moment." She said quietly. The Dark Lord's face was unreadable, but she could feel his emotions in her veins, surrounding them, floating in the cold winter air. She didn't need him to smile or say anything. It was perfect just the way it was.

"And now, when this finally happened, I can't believe it." The witch continued. She knew that it was just one perfect moment and it couldn't happen again. But she knew what was about to happen soon, so she clung to him desperately, determinate to save the moment, to never let go.

The Dark Lord was silent. He was thinking about what had just happened and what was about to follow. He was a man of his word, so he had to keep it, even if right now this was the hardest thing to do. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her one more time. This kiss was tenderer, soft. It spoke of so much pain and sorrow, but at the same time it made the world complete for both of them.

Her tears were gently caressing his pale face, when he realized that he couldn't do it, even when he knew that there was no chance for this to go on. She had made up her mind, she was happy for the first time in many years and when his kiss was her death wish, The Dark Lord wanted to express every little bit of what he felt for this woman in one perfect kiss.

"This moment will stay forever in my heart." Bella whispered after she broke away from him. She gave out a laughter of pure joy and happiness and her tears couldn't prevent her eyes to shine with adoration.

"_You_ will stay forever in my heart, Bella." The Dark Lord said and removed one of her curls from her face.

With a shaking hand, Lord Voldemort summoned a familiar silver dagger. Bellatrix recognized it immediately – it was the same dagger that her Lord gave her a few days after the mission in the Ministry. "_If you can't curse them, you can always stab them_", she remembered his words after she took the knife in her hand.

"Stab them with a kiss…" Bella muttered and smiled at him.

Voldemort was shaking. He was looking at the knife. His mind knew what he had to do, but his heart didn't want to register it. He tried not to listen to his heart's pathetic cries, because he knew that he had to do it, there was no other option. He was sure now, love was a weakness. And he couldn't afford to be weak.

He looked in to her eyes once again and the look on his face made Bellatrix's heart to sink. There was so much agony in his eyes, so much sadness that she couldn't take it.

"It…" Voldemort started, but found himself unable to finish the sentence. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He was trying his best to suppress his emotions, the pain that was slowly taking over him. "I…" He tried again, his red eyes filled with sadness.

"It's alright. I'm not afraid. I feel safe now, in your arms." She sobbed out. "You will be alright. You will win the war, you will kill the boy and then you will rule the world, like you always wanted." Bella smiled at him, even though she was beginning to cry harder. To The Dark Lord her words were of unimportance. He didn't see the point of all of this now.

"I don't..." He said, but Bella cut him off.

"Yes, you do and you will!" She reassured him. "It's your destiny. You were born to rule…to be the most powerful wizard in the world. I have faith in you, I always had. Don't give up now, when you are so close to victory."

The Dark Lord said nothing, but he wanted to say so many things. He just couldn't find the words, or the strength to speak. Bellatrix took the hand he was holding the dagger with in hers and gently kissed it. This was the end, they both knew it. The end of everything. It was time for him to let her go. Bella leaned to him and kissed him one last time, a kiss goodbye.

"I do not want to do this." The Dark Lord faltered, his eyes clutched at hers.

"I know. But it's time I go…I don't want to live, remember?" She said in her soft voice, breaking his heart in million pieces. Voldemort didn't utter a word. All he could do is nod, pain overwhelming him once again. He took a deep breath and gripped the dagger tighter in his shaking hand.

"I do. And I reward my most loyal followers. And…and if…and if death is what you wish, Bella… death you will be given." He said after a pause, terrified by his own words. He realized then, that he was his own nightmare. He was the shadow in the darkest corners of his mind, he was the monster under his own bed, he was his inner demon, and he was his own enemy. Not him, precisely, but the monster he turned in to. And maybe that was the reason for him to drive the knife in to her flesh with one quick movement, without a hint of hesitation. And when he did it, when he felt his weapon of love cutting through her, like she was just a sheet of parchment, he felt his heart twitch in agony, cut to pieces, completely destroyed.

She didn't cry out in pain when he drove the knife in to her skin. She felt it moving past her ribs, piercing her skin, getting closer to its destination – her heart. It didn't hurt, for her it was a bliss, a relief. She was safe in his arms, nothing could harm her anymore. He was Death that, after all, was coming to save her. She smiled at him weakly, as she felt blood rushing up from her mouth, making her choke with it. Despite this being her last moments, Bellatrix was happy. She was dying, yes, but she was dying in the arms of the man she loved. The man who made her who she was, the man who was slowly killing her from the day they met.

Bellatrix Black was taking her last breaths of air, when The Dark Lord gently laid her down on the cold drenched floor and took her in his arms.

"I was always yours, My Lord." Bella coughed out, blood running freely from her mouth, but not enough to prevent her from smiling softly at him.

"You've been, and you shall always be mine. My Bella, my best warrior, my favorite." He said, trying his best not to pierce the sky with his scream of pain. Grief was hanging over him like a dark shadow of a dementor, starting to haunt the only thing that it could find – feelings. The Dark Lord shuddered, feeling the coldness of the night embracing him, blurring his vision, trying to erase the only good part left of him. He fought off the feeling of emptiness, doing his best to stay with her a little longer before his own darkness took place in his damaged soul once again.

"I'm sorry…you know that it was not my choice to do this." He whispered, never leaving her slowly closing eyes.

"I know." Bellatrix choked out. "You didn't have a choice. The most important thing is that I love you, always had and always will, never forget this." She trailed off, as she felt darkness coming closer.

Everything was getting darker, she could feel the end slowly crippling towards her like an old man, determined to take her for a walk. She wanted tell him that she loved him until the very end, that she alone was truly loyal to him, that she would sacrifice everything to make him happy, but Bella found herself unable to speak. It was too late. She tried to reach her hand towards him, to touch him one last time, but she couldn't move. She was dying. And when she finally closed her eyes, Voldemort screamed. He screamed with his whole broken heart, with his shattered soul. He could feel every fiber of his body aching, dying slowly or at least wishing to die.

He picked up the lifeless body of his best soldier and held her close to his dying heart, which wasn't given enough time to life. He could feel a strange stinging in his eyes, it was like they were set on fire, but he ignored it and apparated in to Bellatrix's chambers instead.

Lord Voldemort gently placed the still bleeding body on the bed, causing the sheets to soak wet in blood once again and placed her hands on her stomach, making it look like she was a sleep, like a doll. He then looked away, unable to bear the sight of her motionless figure and his eyes fell on a letter, peacefully laying, "Like her" he thought, on the nightstand. He took the letter in his hand and looked at it. On the envelope he read only two words: _Narcissa Malfoy_.

The last thing that the Dark Lord did before letting his own darkness take over him once again was to place the letter in to Bella's cold hand and leave the room.


	6. Chapter 6 - As I fall

**So this is the last chapter of the story. I would like to thank everyone who for taking the time to read it - it means a lot to me.  
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**This chapter is a little bit different than the others. It contains the letter that Bellatrix wrote to her sister Narcissa. It's written from Bella's POV and it's kind of messy for a reason. Bella's little bit crazy, we all know :)  
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** I'm sorry that this took me so much time to write it and I hope that it is a good ending of the fan fiction.  
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**The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and as you can probably see, I'm not making any money out of it :) Enjoy!  
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**His kiss is her death wish**

**Chapter 6 – As I fall**

_I find myself lost in my own rose gardens. I look up, trying to see our house, but I see nothing, except for a sea of crimson roses. The Sun is gracing them softly with its light, making the roses shine. It is like they're bleeding; shining like bleeding diamonds._

_In front of me I see a small alley, formed by thorns and curved branches, which are like snakes with the thorns growing out of them, like horns, coming out of everywhere. As I walk on the alley I feel the thorns piercing my bare feet, stabbing me like a million little knives, causing blood to soak the ground. And yet I do not stop walking, savoring the pain that I feel, for it is nothing compared with the pain I feel in my chest._

_ My dress gets hitched by the snake-like branches and the rose bushes, but I continue my steady pace, not disturbed by the fact that now I walk in a stream of warm blood. Everywhere I look there's blood. Blood pours from the roses themselves as it falls down like velvet waterfall, strokes leafs and then finally blends with the stream. I stop only for a moment just to feast my eyes on the enchanting beauty of the monstrously view in front of me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then let it out slowly, completely intoxicated by the aroma of roses and fresh blood, when I hear a child's scream._

_ I snap my eyes open and I see that there is a crying little girl far from me. Then I start to run, completely forgotten the pain in my feet. I wish to help her, I do not know why, but I feel the need to save her overwhelming me. I keep running, I trip by the branches, fall and stand up from the bloody stream with the thorny bottom. My hands are bleeding and covered in blood, along with my face. But I don't stop running as blood splashes all over me and then I finally get to her. I can see that she is small – not more than five. Her little body is trembling from the crying and she buries her face in her hands._

_"No!" She sobs out, like she knows I am there. "Go away!"_

_I am taken aback from her words but I do not move. Instead I ask "Why?"_

_"Because you're bad! I don't want you here! You are making them cry!" She replies and moves a step away from me._

_"Who am I making cry?" I ask softly._

_"The roses! Don't you see?!" She answers me ardently. I am left without words. I don't know what to say to make her calm down. But I do not need to speak because the girl continues to talk. "You are Death! You are Death for the roses and Death for me!" She says. "You are killing us all!"_

_ And then I take a closer look at her. Her wild black curly locks are falling down her face, her hair shines in the Sunlight and even if I can not see her face, I notice a heavy locket hanging from her tiny neck, which looks oddly familiar - a Black family relic. And the moment it hits me she removes her hands from her face. She looks at me with her dark brown eyes, full of hatred and hurt and she despises me, hates me for what I am, for who I had become. She sees a monster in front of her, but I see perfection, innocence, purity. I see what I always wanted to be, I see the pride in her eyes, the power hidden inside her tiny body, and I recognize myself. And then she smiles. She smiles, while tears make their way down her face. She smiles not like a child, but like a monster – like me._

_ "I used to love you, you know." She says quietly, looking away. "Before _he_ came into your heart. It had always been him. Why not me? Because of him you are killing me. You've killed me long ago. And you keep doing this every minute of every day. "Her voice is calm but I can feel the anger boiling inside her, I can feel her pain, her emotions. Because she _is_ me. She is that tiny part of me that remained sane, that remained human, the real me._

_I don't know what to say, again, as I watch in horror as she grabs a bleeding rose in her small hand and crushes it, thorns stabbing in her hand, but she does not stop. She tears the rose to pieces, blood squirts over her face, her white gown and she starts to laugh, tears streaming down her face. She laughs manically and then grabs another rose in her hand and tears it apart. She continues to do this until both of her hands are bleeding heavily, there are thorns under her nails, everything is bleeding; I am bleeding – my hands are shaking, they are covered in her blood and I lose control over my body as I sink down to the now dry ground, only to make a new stream of blood around me._

_"Please, stop!" I cry out in vain because she only laughs louder. She starts clapping her hands, causing more blood to rain over both of us. She jumps on one place still clapping her hands and she laughs, she cries, she screams._

_"Burn the witch!" She squeaks happily as blood starts pouring from her mouth._

_"I BEG YOU!" I cry out, the sound of her clapping making me crazy. I cover my ears and I scream myself, I scream until my throat goes dry, I scream with all of my heart, letting out all of my agony._

_"Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!" She continues to scream and jump as my despair burst out of me and I can't take it anymore. And then I fell silent, only my whimpers could be heard. She fell silent as well and looked me with pity._

_"Burn the witch." She says calmly and then a flame appeared in her small hand. "Burn the witch!" The girl proclaims proudly as the flame increased and in the next moment she was on fire. She was burning, writhing and screaming in pain. I felt paralyzed; I couldn't move, or speak._

_All I could do is watch in horror as my inner self was dying in front of my eyes - once again, because of me._

XXX

I couldn't breathe. It turned out that prison never left me. And it seemed that with every year passing, the walls of my cell had become ticker, stronger. The cell started to suffocate me slowly until I couldn't breathe in my own mind.

I looked around - I was still in Malfoy Manor. In my shaking hand I was holding an empty sheet of parchment. My other hand had clutched the armchair. I couldn't do it; I couldn't write it. But I had to - I owed her at least that. I owed Narcissa much more than that. I owed her a big sister to protect her, a friend to comfort her. But I gave her a monster, a murderer, an insane person…I gave her myself, with all of my flaws, with my guilt, my selfishness, my crimes. So the least I could do is write a letter to her and mean every word in it. I had to give her an explanation, I had to tell her my reasons for what I was about to do, she deserved to know.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I wrote the first words:

_"Dear Cissy,__"_

Where should I begin from? What to say first? I had no idea how to start the letter, or how to explain my future intentions. So I decided to write my heart out, to give her the last part of me; to show her that after all these years there was still a part of me that remained real, human, pure. I wanted to show her that behind the madness there was still something - the real me. And before I could become aware of it I was writing, I left my heart lead my hand, not paying attention to what I was writing.

_"__I am terribly sorry that you lost another member of __y__our family because of me. It is very selfish of me leaving you alone and grieving in times like this. I never wanted to hurt you, especially this way, for which I am deeply sorry._

_If you're reading this it probably means that I've ended my life…or you have found the letter before I'm dead and you're going to kill me. _

_Anyway, I don't want you to think that what I did was with the intention of leaving you alone. I did it, because I had no choice. And I know that you understand my reasons, even if you will never admit it, and you know what had been happening to me all my life and you know how hard it was for me to live like this.__ All of my life I've been feeling like an object, which can be used every day. I didn't have the right to speak for myself, to have an opinion of my own, to be myself at all. I couldn't really live; it felt like I am dead inside. _

_ As I look back to my early years, I see that most of my life I was blind. I don't know when I opened my eyes, but when I finally did, the view in front of me was devastating. I realized that my life had been a row of wrong choices; I've been walking a path of destruction; I've been leading a war with myself. And so putting me out of my misery seems like the only sane thing left to do, before I lose my mind completely._

_ It __is__ the only option I have left, I can not go on like this, everything is just too much. I can't find words to tell you how sorry I am for not having the courage to tell you this in person, but this way it would be harder for both of us. Call me selfish if you want, you have the right to. You are the only person in my life that I never wanted to hurt; never wanted to disappoint, and yet I did all of this by not being at your side when you most needed me, leaving you with no one to share with._

_ I feel like my life has been wasted.__I never had the chance to do something for the people I love and care about. __And I never imagined that I will spend my life devoted to a man who will never see me as something more than a servant. I've never thought that I will willingly spend fourteen years in prison for him...it's just madness. __Fourteen years of my life were ruthlessly taken away from me__, __for_ him_; my youth I spent with a man who abused me in every possible way, while I was hopelessly in love with __The Dark Lord__. The only happy memories I have are the ones spen__t__ with you when we were kids, playing in the gardens of Black Manor. I will always cherish these memories, they were the only thing, except my faith in The Dark Lord, keeping me sane in prison; the only happy memories that the Dementors couldn't take away. That's why it hurts me to death, knowing that you, of all people, will have to suffer most for my selfishness or, like you probably think – my cowardice._

_ But you know that I am not afraid of dying, little sister, I'm afraid of living. And my weakness is killing me. My love for The Dark Lord is killing me, it had__ finally__ destroyed me__ after so many years__, and it broke me down. I just can't go on clinging to a hopeless love for a man who claims to be heartless, as The Dark Lord._

_Personally I think that he has a heart, but he keeps it locked and frozen somewhere deep in the darkness of his soul. I'm sure that he is not completely incapable of loving; for he showed me many times that at least he cares somehow. I know that loving him is wrong. You always said that my feelings for him will lead me to my death. You always said that he will be my downfall. And I guess you were right from the start, but who can control their heart's desires? Who can tell their heart who to love and who not to? Do you think that if I could have control over my silly heart, I couldn't want a happy ending for me? I always wanted a unique risktaker that will love me in all the impossible ways. A person that will share my passions and my twisted mind, and will hold me close to the very end... And I've always dreamed that this would be The Dark Lord, _wanted_ it to be The Dark Lord, but in the end, I guess, that we can't have everything we wish for._

_All of my life I've been longing for someone who, as I soon realized, would never love me, never see me as something more as a servant; a weapon in the best case… And everything that I sacrificed for him, all these years, seems to be in vain now, like my whole life had been in vain, just a waste._

_ I feel empty, like someone took away my soul and broke it to pieces__ and left my grieving heart alone in a big hole inside me. And it hurts. The only thing that I feel is hurt, not even the sorrow, nor the fear of a meeting with my husband behind closed doors. Sometimes I can feel rage building up inside me out of nothing a__nd I want to__ scream, to__ kill, I want to destroy, to burn and crash everything I see__...__ And then I want to die. To sleep forever.__ I can't torture myself anymore, I'm not that masochistic. I want out, I need it to end, it's been way too long._

_ Maybe that's why __I used to cut myself__.__I don't think that it was just the inner pain and the desperation__. And when __I__did it__, the smooth feeling of the silver blade caressing __my__ skin and __I__ see the reflection of __my__ eyes,full of hate, full of despair on the blade...it makes it go away. With every cut, __my__ pain dissapear__ed__ bit by bit. And then the scars remind__ed__me__ of the pain__ I__ once felt and how __I__ became stronger, or maybe just used to it. I __still __miss my privet moments with my knife. It knows everything about me, it felt every emotion, and tasted every drop of blood... and now I feel like having one last meeting with my knife._

_ Don't cry for me, little sister. I'm sure I'll find peace, I'm sure that I'll go to a better place. And if I don't… well, try not to end up like me. Be strong, Cissy, be brave! For yourself and for the remaining family you still have. Don't think of me as a coward, even if I lived my life as one. But for the first time in many years I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. I am certain about this; I know this is the last thing that I have to do. In fact, I think I'm holding it up for so long. _

_ Please remember me, Cissy. Keep me in your heart, because you will be forever in mine. I always loved you more than anything and I hope you forgive my weakness. I don't want to live in this darkness anymore._

_Love,_

_Bella"_

I carefully folded the letter and stood up from the armchair. By the view from the window, I could see that night had fallen over Malfoy Manor. I walked over to the bed and left the letter on my pillow with a shaking hand. Tears were calmly falling down my face, but I did nothing to stop them. There was no use of this, because they will never stop falling.

I didn't even give one last look to mine and Rodolphus' chambers when I closed the door behind me. I wouldn't miss this place.

As I was walking through the corridors I realized that it was dark and quiet in the Manor. I didn't know how much time had passed while I was writing, but as I was walking down the marble staircase, I found that the only noise was coming from my quiet footsteps.

In my mind everything was a mess. Blurred images were floating in front of my eyes, but I was unable to recognize any of them. Were they memories? Was it my life passing that I was seeing in front of my eyes?

I didn't know where I was going, nor yet did I care. In my hand I was holding a silver dagger, but I didn't remember when I took it out. I could feel stinging in my hand and I looked down to see that blood was dripping down my left wrist.

"This is it then. The end has begun." I thought, and I looked out the French windows to my right. I was happy, I was myself again.

The End

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Thank you for reading, please leave a review. I was thinking of writing a prequel of this story, so if you think that it's a good idea, please, let me know :)


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